This Life

2012-02-04T08:46:00.000-08:00

To all my bro-zoned frens out there, this song is for you.

我一直以来都守护在你身边
不懂你如何看得见
也只好静静靠在一边

你的笑容能让我开心一整天
只要一天没和你见面
我的心情不会好一点

时间已经不多我还有话很想说
隐藏在我心里不懂如何开口
我会很快就要走每一夜不算太多
简简单单希望你会懂

不能在一起也没关系
只少你懂我的心会在想你
那些回忆会永远抱着甜蜜
不管未来你会在哪里
我都不会忘记
我爱你
你是我微笑的原因

只是希望你能比从前开心

because, in all honesty, if you truly love her, 你只希望她能比从前开心.

2012-02-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

Been rather cooped up in school this past week. everyday 10 to 6. even on my free day wednesday, there is lab in the morning, spanish in the afternoon and assembly and meeting at night. So much so that i have no time to do my tutorials during my normal awake times. haha. i guess i have to get used to late nights from now, though i personally prefer to sleep early and wake up early.

Still pretty bummed out about the restricted internet here. I cant even blog properly. haha. have to transfer to my phone to do it. But getting to know my kids more by having 1 to 1 talks with them. And today i finally confirmed am going into pastoral rather than programs. So i guess i really have to know my kids now. haha.

Living here, u have a kind of freedom, yet at the same time it comes with a sense of loneliness. Unlike hall, where your friend is just next door and you can find them anytime, BCs here are quite separated. I am with my 13 kids on floor 7a, and more often than not, if i do not go and find my kids, they will not come to find me. So more or less i'm alone most of the time. Its a kind of serenity that i like, yet ironically i want to have someone to talk to.

I play guitar to fill the gaps in between, but sometimes its nice to have someone to play to.

At least my tutorials are keeping me busy for the time being; and pigbit to keep me company.

2012-01-29T06:49:00.000-08:00

first day in nus high.

dint really sleep well, had massive diarrhea in the morning. think stomach flu bah. quite serious liquid motion. but still, i had a relatively busy day ahead! headed to national museum straight after bathing and breakfast at macs. I can swear it is as though i am going there for the first time because i totally did not recognize anything inside! so i went to queue for the Musée d'Orsay gallery and collect/bought a headset to help explain the paintings. The headset girl was rather pretty. haha.

initially the art was not that awesome, but slowly, it got better. took quite a number of pictures. Its so interesting to see different things being depicted through art, eg. Samson and Delilah, Macbeth. There was a rather morbid section, on war. The paintings were dark and ominous. But the feeling it gives is so powerful.

The take away from this trip was certainly from one of the excerpts written on the wall. "Man as a solitary being - the only way human beings could escape the weight of science and technology was through the mind and thoughts"

next was meeting up with the army guys. had a good catch up and definitely a good movie, at least for me. hahaha.

It takes huge amount of self-control to do what George Clooney's character did. not only being the restrained one in terms of not exploding in front of his wife's lover, but also how he reasoned himself to determine how to handle the situation. His words, 'Over the phone he can escape, but not in person. I want to see his face, his reactions.'

Furthermore, he did the right thing to present the information about his wife's pending demise to the lover, giving him the choice to do the right thing to visit her one last time or be a heartless bastard; which he was the latter. All in all, despite the depiction of George's character as the distant husband and father, the entire movie we only saw how he calmly made the right decisions and was the man of the house.

His decision to impromptu find his 17 year old daughter and bringing her back home to take care of her sister.

His decision to not confront directly with his wife's lover in a heated argument.

His decision to not reveal his wife's transgressions to her parents. While at the same time bearing the brunt of his father-in-laws incessant scoldings of being a failed husband/father.

But the biggest take away is definitely his enormous capacity to love. To love unconditionally. To be able to forgive and continue to love the special one in your life despite of whatever they have done. Its just phenomenal.

Pigbit.

2012-01-16T04:59:00.000-08:00

In a way, 3 weeks in changmai certainly helped alot emotionally. Along with all the caring friends that i've made over there. Its a long over due post, but i think i shall recap some of the important moments that happened over there.

Village.

The first thing that struck me the moment i reached was the house they provided us. I know not many ppl noticed becos when i shared it during debrief, everyone was then like agreeing with me. It was not the most awesome house but it was definitely the best house in the entire village. newly built, tiled flooring and white-washed.

Bathing was always an exciting venture. to save time, the guys jus grouped and bathed together. the ice-cold water always bringing screams from the same few people every night.

Planting and watering

I was not involved much in planting, i guessed they assigned me and edric to mostly the structuring stuff. but the few times i was in the planting team, i really enjoyed it. there was once we chung-koed with the villagers and there was this strong old man who was like hacking away at the ground like a boss. With his white mustache, he look s like some war veteran. lol.

Watering like a boss with edric. we basically took the black dustbin and fill it about 5/6 full and drowned plants with it.

the only activity that i looked forward to was volleyball after the planting. Because we were planting at a school and the kids will always come to help us or play with us after work/school/during recess. The boys will play takraw or soccer and the rest, volleyball.

Darlie.

This dog has special mention because he is Darlie, as named by chubs. enough said. The white dog on chub's profile pic. He always follows us when we are watering/planting and is always so happy when he sees us. well, we are happy to see u too darlie. =)

Concreting.

The main reason why i joined this ocip. to build some stuff! but i think it's really cool how they have to manual mix the cement with gravel and sand and water. And there is a procedure to it as well. But eventually most of us became experts in knowing wad proportions to add into the concrete. Mixing also has a specific method to hasten the process. All in all, i found it damn enjoyable, bangala ftw. but it is really a good workout. Overall i think i mixed over 20+ batches of concrete. haha.

Cementing.

The fine tuning of the structure. To form the water well, we had to lift concrete rings which were extremely heavy and lay them on top of each other to form the basic structure. After about 3-4 rings, we then make cement paste and cement them together to close up the gaps in between the rings. Picking up from the villagers once again on the method to do it fast and efficiently and making them into nice ring shapes, so the structure looks like a huge bamboo.

Chom then gave me a special job, to cement the inside. so i had to climb into the well, which was taller than me. haha. so basically while everyone was outside resting, i continued the inside, and it was cool, because i still could hear 'boomz'(mp3 with speaker) while inside, so basically i was chilling while working. but it was time to end work soon, so they sent my angel, P, inside too. That's when we had a chat. haha. basically, i knew she was my angel while she was trying to convince me she wasnt. and we talked about wadever we were exchanging in our letters.

Life Journey.

Well, honestly most ppl's life journey was rather sleep-inducing. but at least thru it we get to learn a little more about them and we can see how certain things in their life have shaped them to the people the are.

Guitar.

I think it was a phenomenal choice to have brought my guitar over. haha. despite all the warnings about my guitar not surviving the trip, i decided to just heck and bring it. and how wonderful it turned out to be. I'm glad to play songs for people. and more so when they enjoy and appreciate it.

I love it how the camp fire crackle while i sing a song.

I love it when i lie down on my bed and jus strum family chords and humming to a tune while thinking about you.

I love it when they just randomly ask me to play a song and i learn it after listening to their ipod.

I love watching Lion playing my guit and enjoying herself. haha.

Playing for 2 hours on the ride from the village back to changmai city.

The definitely most awesome part of the trip was christmas eve night, where we gathered as we counted down. And it was the guitar that provided the music for the carols and it was one of the few moments where the entire team bonded so well.

Carnival.

Even though the amount of kids was lesser than we predicted, but due to amanda and i freely giving out chops like nobody's business, we ran out of prizes very quickly. at least we finished everything. haha. i and manda handled the sack race. at first no one wanted to come, still apprehensive of strangers i guess. but eventually, the kids jus kept on coming. its so nice seeing them enjoying these simple games. especially their faces when they are waiting for their chops.

we then performed our dance item, but wad i enjoyed was the impromptu guitar session there. Chai, just asked me over to play with sombrero. but the problem is without lyrics, we don have a proper song to sing to the crowd. so i suggested national anthem. hahaha. and we really did sing it. lol. it was a good chillout session with sombrero, chai, evlin, nurul, shaun, pris and chom!

Cooking.

At first I was not part of the cooking team, cos i din wanna cook. haha. but i was very interested in wad they wanted to cook. and thats when i found out that they don really know how to cook!! omg. so to save my stomach, i decided to help. normal potato and carrot soup but not enough carrots! so at first it was jus chicken stock with chicken cubes, potato and onions and it tasted terrible. the carrots were to be used for another dish, but i told them, without it, the soup can throw away already. so we jus dump the whole plate of carrots into the soup.

turned out, the soup was awesome! lol. so sweet! the mushroom dish was cooked by evlin, but her hand was injured from volleyball, so i helped her out too. also, we had fried chicken wings thanks to aneesa. and omelettes from colin! Turned out, everyone loved our dinner and we were like so relived. lol.

Swimming.

One of the days, we went swimming in the river behind the village. The water is as cold as the bathing water, well, our bathing water comes from the river. lol. but the current was very strong. all we had to do was lay down and we would float downstream. damn refreshing!

SangSom.

The alcohol we prefered since chang beer was utterly atrocious. It was thai rum, at first it was quite burning when u drink it pure, but i got used to it. lol. It accompanied us through many many circle of trusts meetings and late night conversations. Brings out the different sides of people especially when they are high. lotsa laughs and fun for many nights with this drink.

Elephant Nature park.

So many elephants. haha. most of them were abused though and u can see the way they stagger that they are still affected by their injuries. super lots of dogs and a few cats. Blue eyes and green eyes!

We got bathe the elephants and feed them too. Basically bathing is just using buckets and spraying them with water.

Stone Structures.

We were to build something like a stone structure fence but to cut the long story short, it was done in vain because one young elephant came over while we were eating lunch and jus knocked it over easily with his trunk proving how inefficient the fence would be. But still, we spent like 3-4 days on the fence.

Besides the fencing, one day we went to deep into the forest where ENP is expanding and helped to do more planting. As Grant puts it, to do something different other than jus concreting. We split into 2 teams, 1 doing the normal planting and the other doing piping. obviously i volunteered to do piping. haha. it was fun, following Jack around and chatting with him. During our breaks which were quite long, we had HTHT with each other and shared ghost stories. lol.

Village shop at ENP.

This place is awesome. The chicken wings are like heavenly. i duno why. also we found a new kind of roti prata! after frying it, u spam one side with condense milk and sugar then u wrap it up. It is totally sinful but the taste is unbelievable!! I will try it one day with my ntuc roti pratas. Also they had sangsom, so that about says it all.

Oh yeah. and there was a little accident where Weihan fell out of the truck. it was like omg. and i watched the whole thing in slow motion. terrible stuff.

ChangMai City.

Day 1. 25th.

The RnR of the entire trip. we basically had 2.5 days of RnR. The first day was basically a half day, mostly jus from afternoon to night. We sorta chilled at the room first before heading out to the night market. The night market had so much stuff! at first i was like thinking, wth, who to buy for now? haha. but in the end i still bought stuff for her and my other frens. thats at least the most decent thing to do?? lol. bought a couple of stuff for myself as well.

The street food at the night market was awesome! and its so so so cheap. the fried drumstick is so rich in meat and the best thing is there is no need to find dustbin. jus feed the dogs the bones. bonded more with edric and the rest while strolling down the walking street/night market.

Lonely hut! a simple chill out bar. but we din really talk much cos most of us were quite tired alr. We slept early this night because of the planned trip the whole team had the next morning.

Day 2. 26th.

The planned trip was honestly a huge disaster. Besides the white temple thing i think the enjoyable part of the trip was the van ride. haha. because we got to chill, just listen music and htht at the back. Nonetheless, lets try to recap wad happened.

White temple thing was nothing really spectacular except for the design and architecture. The bridge going through the depths of hell symbolism was kinda cool as well. But thats it. and edric, weihan and i decided to sneak in a brunch before leaving off and were scolded by the guide because we were late.

Next stop, golden triangle! This is basically the point where 3 countries sorta merge and u can see and travel by boat to either 3 of the countries, myanmar, thailand and laos. The view is not the most awesome, but i decided to break from everyone and jus walk alone. then basically found a spot facing the ocean and jus ponder about life. meanwhile, behind me, a group of nuns were gathering for a group photo and they jus totally ignored me and jus took it. -.-. the others(the vj gang) soon caught up with me and we shared a few laughs. then lion started observing me -.-. saying that shes gonna watch my every move from then on. haha, to repay for me observing others.

Then it was the crappy buffet international lunch.

Then it was the northern most part of thailand! basically, the border of thailand and myanmar. Nothing much there, just lotsa shops selling normal stuff. but i did get that swiss army knife for harilyn there. i really think my ferrero rocher was too crappy, so this shld back it up. haha. bought fried water chestnuts for evlin and myself to split to the 2 vans and i found my childhood seaweed. those packed in 3 slices and in a transparent rectangle package with blue stripes.

But still, as i said, the main part of the trip was the van trip. chubs, shaun and me were at the back and while the rest were sleeping, we decided to do a circle of trust there and then to say our impressions of everyone in the trip. its actually quite cool to know how they think of others.

while we were not htht-ing, i just enjoyed watching chubs constantly trying to not bang her head against the window. haha. so cute. then each time she does, she will stir a little and try to sleep again. then she will jus lean over to the right and rest on my shoulder, but when she realised it then she will go back to sitting up straight again. lol. then the process repeats itself. But then during a longer ride, she jus found a spot on my shoulder and stayed there, because it was comfortable i guess, and she subconsciously jus fell asleep. Then she woke up abt 30 mins later and apologized. haha. but srsly, no need to apologize de la. =)

After that, on the 3 hr trip back, i told her if she wans to rest on my shoulder its fine, but she refused cos she paiseh i guess. haha. but she started banging her head again. which was really damn cute. lol. so i jus gently pulled her head over and said jus rest here la, then she did for the next 2 hrs and the last 30 mins after the pit stop. well, she smells real nice and she looks cute while sleeping. =).

that night I rmb going out with colin, qinwen, aneesa and weishun and harilyn. great shopping time and bonding with them. haha. Then we met up the rest of the team for seafood zhi cha which was imo terrible. The crab is so-so, and the fish too. but i was expecting so much better. oh well.

After which, the 3 civil guys went shopping together at the night bazaar which was damn far away. Had damn alot of fun haggling. and edric pissed off some ppl. LOL. we kinda stayed out till abt 1plus. have no idea how we shopped so much as we are guys. Then we decided to go explore the tranny bars. LOL. they were damn friendly la, but we just watched from the outside, to their dismay. Then as we were nearing our motel, we saw a few tranny prostitutes i presume. And they were like trying to strike a conversation with us. omg. Then edric was like damn happy, and wanted to return their flying kisses. LOL. me and weishun were like laughing like crazy but we just wanted to get out of there before they caught up with us. because they were across the road and they were like making their way over to us. hahaha. Then in the alley we saw some damn suspicious character which we think is a drug peddler. and the scary thing was he stared at us, then as we were walking back, he followed us for awhile before he stopped. woah. interesting night. Then we just chilled at my room, with lion, chubs, shaun, ws and me. watching mtv channel and just chatting and playing with pigbit. -.-

Day 3. 27th

Buffet breakfast! another kind of disappointment. The quality isnt that bad, but the quantity was. There was not much to select from. oh well, at least its free flow. After which, shaun, jason and i went in search of the guitar shop that jason saw when we were coming back from enp. But after walking for 1 hr, we couldnt find it so we started to head back to meet up with the rest who did not go for rafting/atv. In the end, all of us followed evlin to go visit museums, or rather, museum. haha. It was rather cool to learn the history of changmai and they did batik painting as well. after which, we went for lunch/dinner and the girls found this shop that seemed like heaven to them. lol. clothes, clothes and more clothes. After which, we sorta split, with weishun, P and moe going to cycle. the rest went to night market. then edric and i went back to the night bazaar to find more ppl to haggle with. We walked damn fast and managed to cover the entire outer portion of the bazaar. And we found Foxy Lady! hahaha.

But we soon had to hurry back to the Italian restaurant near the T-room for a whole team dinner. And dinner was good! though the service was a little slow. But the food was so much better compared to the seafood or the breakfast. And they celebrated weihan and my birthday there too. haha. tiramisu cake, which we smeared on most of the girls because evlin started it. -.-.

After dinner, i was kinda shag. so decided to rest for the night, but most of them continued to explore the market/bazaar, except for a little few who like me were tired. so we stayed back to help pris do the frames for the photos for the villagers. After work was done, its Sangsom time. muahhahah. so more crap talking with alcohol went on late into the night.

But because i rested, i wasnt really tired. so was edric. hahaha. so we had a circle of trust again! this time with siyin and jason. then we jus htht, and listened to siyin's life story all the way till 5am. it was a wonderful time.

flying home day. 28th.

slept only for 2hrs. then edric, moe, jason and i went for spa! LOL. 3hr spa consisting of massage, facial and some hot compressing thing. before long, we're at the international airport, eating burger king, waiting to enter the departure gates. Talked more with chubs and lion there. =). But sadly, good things dont last. and in a blink of an eye; we're back on sg soil. and back to reality.

oh yeah, today was my birthday. and she wished me.

There a few people that really made an impression on me during the trip and i shall name some of them here.

Chom.

He is the most insane person i've ever met. haha. u never ever catch him without a smile and 90% of the time he's always making someone laugh, despite not knowing much english, his antics certainly made the village part of the trip very enjoyable. not only that, he is a loving husband and a hard worker. definitely a role model to any guy.

he is the epitome of the phrase, 'joy knows no bounds'. and he reminds us always to take joy in the little things that we do. no matter how shitty life turns out to be, always remember to laugh a little.

Jack.

He is another bundle of joy. I duno why, but somehow he clicks very well with people. Really glad to have met him. talking with him is such a wonderful time. Rock on dude! and never stop talking cock! haha.

Shaun.

My buddy. totally turned out to be different guy that i thot he would be. and turned out awesomely as well. first person i found with such awesome music taste. He says that i'm the nicest guy hes ever met, and i would like to say the same about him. haha. its like after sharing my life journey, he noticed that i was missing. and he jus came over to ask, 'emoing ah?'. lol. and he stuck around, not talking just chilling and listening to music together. Its all these small little stuff that matter to a friend. thanks for the note and the clover, really appreciate it. i still have it. =)

Edric.

Silent killer sia. haha. starting never talk at all. But once he warms up to everyone, he just goes crazy. hahaha. he has a very interesting background and upbringing. but still a good pal. =)

Amanda Tan, pretty chubs =).

The first thing i notice is that awesome smile of yours. =). haha. I still rmb what you said about who being the center attraction of guys. hahaha. Who says you are not! hahaha. you never know you may be one to some guys only. but honestly, i think you're the first person that i took note of from the entire team when i first met u guys. hahaha. but i think i dint really talk to you much till at ENP too, cos i shy =(. lol.

Sometimes i still wonder how u constantly cause hurt to yourself through accidents. its not that i wan to laugh, but its really damn funny. lol. rather cute too. Oh yea, dont club so much la, from wild cat turn to demure cat. that'll be so awesome ;).

Evlin.

As i told u, u portray an innocent image to others but i guess its more of obliviousness. haha. but not in a bad way! its like a child-like obliviousness that keeps u joyful all the time and that i feel is absolutely great. U definitely deserve better, and i'm sure one day u will find someone who will appreciate and take care of you.

its always interesting to hear a girl's point of view about love. and that one question i feel gave us some great answers during life journey.

Sijing the Lion.

Though we din really talk till at ENP, you're really damn easy to talk to. and insightful as well. hahaha. U dont live a life of regrets, and just do the things that you want to. as can be seen from all your adventurous trips around the world.

u always want to be a part of things, to be involved. u grab life by its reins and i really respect that alot. =)

oh yeah. and u play guitar! haha. chicks who play guitar automatically wins my frenship hands down.

2011-12-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

i totally have no idea of what you think of me right now. I know that at this point of time, this shouldnt be bothering me, since we're no longer together.

trying so hard not to be a psychotic ex, yet at the same time not wanting to seem like i do not care.

What is love?

2011-12-02T03:40:00.000-08:00

talked with 2 of my best buds today. made me think alot. and the one conclusion that i came to, is the same conclusion i have always come to. we are meant to be together.

when i came home, i found something in my email, which is no coincidence. words from a girl who found love.

"u noe something,love is not forever..but falling in love time to time in a relationship is impt

tts e early part of liking someone

n u feel tt there is nothing u cant do to tt person

liking someone is v easy for everyone..

we will always find ppl who looks nice or character gd

but its onli when u decided to take e responsiblility to endure all e hardships in a relationship

n u actualli did tt.

n also,

in a relationship,u ll slowly discover all e short-comes of tt person,n u ll get disappointed sometimes

but tt's it,love is not forever,but fall in love time to time is more impt"

You know who that girl is? Its you.

~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
u noe something,love is not forever..but falling in love time to time in a relationship is impt
·!¦[·mØñkEÿ·]¦!· .*tired mind*. ___patience___ 说:
is it when all this happens, u can consider liking a person?
·!¦[·mØñkEÿ·]¦!· .*tired mind*. ___patience___ 说:
i duno
~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
tts e early part of liking someone
~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
n u feel tt there is nothing u cant do to tt person
~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
liking someone is v easy for everyone..
·!¦[·mØñkEÿ·]¦!· .*tired mind*. ___patience___ 说:
yes
·!¦[·mØñkEÿ·]¦!· .*tired mind*. ___patience___ 说:
esp for me
~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
we will always find ppl who looks nice or character gd
~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
but its onli when u decided to take e responsiblility to endure all e hardships in a relationship
~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
n u actualli did tt.
~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
n also,
~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
in a relationship,u ll slowly discover all e short-comes of tt person,n u ll get disappointed sometimes
·!¦[·mØñkEÿ·]¦!· .*tired mind*. ___patience___ 说:
ok...side track a bit...MATHS IS HARD!
·!¦[·mØñkEÿ·]¦!· .*tired mind*. ___patience___ 说:
ok nvm
~~~MengJie~~~looking at e photos took in J1,i feel so depressed....miss it badly... 说:
but tt's it,love is not forever,but fall in love time to time is more impt

Talent or interest

2011-12-01T00:38:00.000-08:00

I do believe that unearthing talent at a young age is essentially important, however the pertinent issue that will cause trouble is whether that person wants to develop his/her talent and make it into his/her iron rice bowl. The classic case of the talented sportsman whose only interest is in music which he has zilch knowledge of.

talent vs interest.

But no matter what people say or what researchers prove, every parent still wants their child to enter the best schools to receive pristine education. In this cut-throat world of Singapore, where the arts and sports are frowned upon as a profession, in the end what really matters is the important piece of paper that we call a certificate. Yes, once in a blue moon, a prodigy comes along bringing our nation a chance at glory in certain sports event. But still the government puts NS and academics above sporting talent.

Why? Because sporting accolades only last for a decade or so, but education lasts for a lifetime. What about the arts? With our country just being a dot in this world, there isn't room to cater for the arts as a specialty and most art majors tend to find themselves looking elsewhere for greener pastures.

So, in the end, education triumphs over everything else. But dont let it kill your hobbies and other stuffs that you enjoy, or you might as well end up like this guy.

pilot

2011-11-28T20:47:00.000-08:00

So I just got dumped and i think it is time for me to really take a real look at myself and see what has gone wrong along the way.

In many ways i have deproved and improved, but obviously it is not good enough for her.

so what is next for me?

i wan to do many things i duno where to start.

complete learning spanish
apply for technion, israel for sep
save up money for a trip to australia
go to spain for grad trip
work out and pass my ippt next year

the old me and probably all my frens and her will most probably think its just another case of me just saying and not doing.

but this is where i wan to prove everyone wrong.

especially u.