Of late, alot of people have asked me the same question.

So what is my status now? what am I going to do next? Am I going to chase you back?

I duno what to say. Of course I want to chase you back. But I also know that if I were to do so now, what will happen if you feel this way again? I just want you to live the life that you always wanted and to be happy with whatever you do. Then they all give me a strange look and say that if I dont do anything about it, then nothing will happen. But what they dont know is how you are. you are so stubborn. that trying to stop you when you made up your mind on something is like playing piano to the cow.

I think wad evlin said is true. If at the end of it, if you do come back, then we most probably will be with each other for the rest of our lives. if not, then life sucks la. haha. but for now, jus embrace singlehood.

btw, fiesta latina turned out pretty bad. I seriously had no idea that they were gonna start the thing so late. It said 7pm, but till 10pm, everyone isnt there yet. Also, there were very very very few of the school students who turned up. haha.

Really wanted evlin to have a good time to mingle with some spanish people, but they all had their own 'cliques' and groups. and my spanish was still so noobish. lol. at least i shook hands with the spanish ambassador!

Nonetheless, had a good time with evlin. =) talked quite a bit about of our lives. ordered vegetarian tacos. the jalapenos was hotttt!! Picante!! paid the bill. (Think she finally 'got it' that i will not let a girl pay the bill. lol.) Then we sneaked off cos she needed to leave already and i din want to be caught leaving. Wanted to send her off to her dad's place or at least outside the building. but i know she sure will not allow it, then don wanna make it awkward for her by insisting. But on hindsight, i think i shld have jus insisted? hmmm..

note to self: should send girl off next time.

actually to think of it, evlin is very much like an english version of u...

Acceptance.

As my spanish teacher always says, poco a poco. Little by little.

school this sem has been relatively fast-paced. in a blink of an eye, we are one week away from recess week, which signifies the mid way point of the semester. Yet it feels like only yesterday i woke up to the crows of the rooster. At least this time round, i have managed to carry out most of the stuff that i say i want to do.

SEP applied.
got into nus high.
spanish classes under way.
guitar lessons under way.

but there are still some unfinished business.

clinching an internship for the summer.
find a cca.
playing for peifen's wedding.
cluster outings.
new zealand trip with TnT ppl.
get my first A.

As i said, poco a poco.

lets make 2012 a !genial año! Salud!

Spanish party at chijmes this thurs! bringing eve. hope she enjoys herself! =)

PS.

I've come to the conclusion that you will always remain a part me. I cannot shake that off. I seriously have no idea where we will go from here. As in the natural thing is to say that we remain as frens, but who are we kidding? the way we are isn't exactly how frens should be isn't it. Just by the way you reply (or not reply) to me and how you talk with other people, its rather obvious the tone is significantly different.

Then I think of what you used to say that with me, you dont have to put up such a cheerful outlook, because you are comfortable with me. But now since we're no longer together, the line is kinda blurred. I know its awkward to talk, as in I myself think so too, but if we just let it be, it will just remain as such. I'll still try to talk to you when i can, but if you continue to treat me like how you treat max, then i guess there is no point to it too.

Lo siento for not being the person you thought i can be.

To all my bro-zoned frens out there, this song is for you.

我一直以来都守护在你身边
不懂你如何看得见
也只好静静靠在一边

你的笑容能 让我开心一整天
只要一天没和你见面
我的心情不会好一点

时间已经不多 我还有话很想说
隐藏在我心里 不懂如何开口
我会很快就要走 每一夜不算太多
简简单单 希望你会懂

不能在一起 也没关系
只少你懂我的心 会在想你
那些回忆会永远抱着甜蜜
不管未来你会在哪里
我都不会忘记
我爱你
你是我微笑的原因

只是希望你能比从前开心

because, in all honesty, if you truly love her, 你只希望她能比从前开心.

Been rather cooped up in school this past week. everyday 10 to 6. even on my free day wednesday, there is lab in the morning, spanish in the afternoon and assembly and meeting at night. So much so that i have no time to do my tutorials during my normal awake times. haha. i guess i have to get used to late nights from now, though i personally prefer to sleep early and wake up early.

Still pretty bummed out about the restricted internet here. I cant even blog properly. haha. have to transfer to my phone to do it. But getting to know my kids more by having 1 to 1 talks with them. And today i finally confirmed am going into pastoral rather than programs. So i guess i really have to know my kids now. haha.

Living here, u have a kind of freedom, yet at the same time it comes with a sense of loneliness. Unlike hall, where your friend is just next door and you can find them anytime, BCs here are quite separated. I am with my 13 kids on floor 7a, and more often than not, if i do not go and find my kids, they will not come to find me. So more or less i'm alone most of the time. Its a kind of serenity that i like, yet ironically i want to have someone to talk to.

I play guitar to fill the gaps in between, but sometimes its nice to have someone to play to.

At least my tutorials are keeping me busy for the time being; and pigbit to keep me company.