My Berlin host has a personal LIBRARY! O.M.G.

Off hand, I estimate about 1000 books. Though they are probably in German, I will still go over them tonight.

Totally mind blowing stuff.

Woohoo! Scholarship with no bond! What a great deal!! I woke up still tipsy from the night before with a destroyed foot, for which i have no idea why it hurts so bad; checked my mail and saw the acceptance letter! I am really glad for this because firstly, I can never imagine I can manage to get a scholarship with my relatively atrocious grades, secondly, it is an offshore scholarship meaning only students from this selected few can apply for it. I guess maybe the rest of them already have a scholarship of some sort thus I am like the only applicant left, but who cares!? I get cash without a bond and that makes me happy. =D

Its been a pretty blissful week especially when friends come all the way here to visit me. Even the clouds played its part to make my Auschwitz trip more 'authentic' by being grey all day. Hope more people do come visit soon, if any.


Good things, are coming our way.

A story of innocence in a world of ignorance.

I am not much of a drinker, though much people think that i am.

Today, its 1 litre of Tyskie with half a bottle of Bushmills. I am really tipsy. But what I am feeling is kind of euphoria. Its joy beyond what I have felt. Joy beyond any restraints, probably what they say about when they start hallucinating? I cannot say for sure because I have never felt that way before; though I am looking for it. But what I can say now is that I feel joy, I really feel happy. Thinking about you, about things in life, about where I am now, about my life now. I feel joy. Not a tinge of sadness, in spite of the ever introspection, that can so often be mistaken as rumination.

I will not cheat myself to claim and just come clear by saying that I do at times think about sad things just to feel sad. That kind of loathsome self pity that can seem rather repulsive. Hidden behind the claims of self-thought and reflection. I try my best not to do that now, and am actually succeeding.

Yes, I find you amazing as always. God help me the day I wont. =D

It's not clear if reality slipped into my dream or if my dream is slopping over into reality.

Mr Grissom, do you believe in a separate living evil?

You're a primitive man in the Savannah. You see something move out of the corner of your eye. You assume its a hyena, you run, you live. If you assume its the wind and you're wrong, you die. We have the genes of the ones who ran. We're genetically hard wired to believe living forces we cannot see.


I do not really agree, yet it is without question that naturally selection does play a huge role in forming our society.

And so, I found a new song to learn. Now, to just be able to play and sing at the same time.

Should intent be used as the yardstick to determine one to be right or wrong? For the perpetrator that unknowingly does a good deed, his intentions were actually of pure evil. 

What do we really look at in the end? the eventual result or the initial thought. What really matters?

They say when you got it, you will automatically stop finding it, because it will feel right, perfect.

More often than not, when situation presents itself, we seem to settle. For timings are never right and we get tired of the charade we play with our lives. We convince ourselves eventually, this is the right one, the right thing, the real me. For those of us still confused, we ponder, question and wait. Upon whom?

Godot.

http://jasonmraz.com/news/2013/announcing-jasons-first-headlining-show-in-poland/

You have got to be kidding me.

If we all had cocoons.

Sometimes I miss my grandma. Its not that we had a particularly close relationship, but it was there nonetheless. We had her all the time because my father made a decision when he grew up to be the son to look after her, after years of tormenting her as a child. With that, I got to see her all the time in the house. She had her own room in the house, while i bunked with my brother. She looked after me when I was young, we had our fair share of fun.

I remember the smell of her room, that old person smell but more, especially the smell of johnson & johnson. She loved that brand of shampoo. For my entire 18 years I knew her, that was the only one she would use.

I remember that day, when I challenged her to a meal race, to see who can finish the first.
I choked.

I remember when always without fail, she will go for her morning walks, either to the market or the park. Sometimes I followed her; but that was a long long time ago.

I remember the time she pulled my mum from the window. Days later, she went over to my uncle's and that was when I started to see her less. I recall thinking, is that small travel bag all there is? I rarely  never visited her, lest festive seasons  Chinese New Year.

I remember seeing her grow thinner, smaller.

I remember her transferred to Dover Park Hospice. I never visited anyone from a hospice before, except for volunteer work, but even then you do not grow attached to them because it was probably just a one day event. I saw her laying there, it was late and she was asleep.
We held hands to pray for her recovery.

I remember that night in Tekong, my mum called. I told my officer. He gave me a choice; either leave now with a boat prepared within the hour or throw my jockey cap the next day with my fellow platoon mates and get priority access to the first boat the next day. I chose the latter.

I remember fending off the neighbourhood cats from the void deck. It was superstition that the spirit will not rest in peace.

I remember everyone looking away as the pallbearers came to take her away. It was bad luck to watch her go.
I watched. Every second of it.

I remember her slow moving away, closer and closer to the flames. The door closed.


If we all had cocoons, it will be our sanctuary, a place to let loose, grieve, love, to think. It will be our very own place.
My place.

I miss you grandma.