Jolted awake by a horrid dream only to find that my alarm was ringing as well. snoozed for another 20mins, before realising i'm gonna be late if i did not get up. Still pondering over life's what ifs and could bes only to vaguely remember myself always advising friends that the present is in the now. but somehow i always shun my own advice.

I rmb u once asked me why am i so jaded? haha. i have no idea why.

Why did my family almost break up?

Why did my friend betray me, hack my account and send sexual emails to all my female teachers?

Why did i almost die in a car crash?

The endless amount of insurmountable whys eventually gave way. Once, a little boy looking at life through a rose-painted glass which was mercilessly broken.

I still believe in the innate good of all things; i seek out the positive results in life and hold steadfast to the dream that somehow it'll all become better. Because somewhere down there is still that same little boy, untainted by the filth of the world, whom is someone that nobody can take away. But, there always is a but, he will constantly be suppressed within, protected from experiencing the pains of the world.

Life is a game. The only problem is even when you lose, you still gotta keep playing.

Death is a fisherman, the world we see
His fish-pond is, and we the fishes be;
His net some general sickness; howe'er he
Is not so kind as other fishers be;
For if they take one of the smaller fry,
They throw him in again, he shall not die;
But death is sure to kill all he can get,
And all is fish with him that comes to net.

Sometimes i still wonder, why are we alive for.

and just like this, i'm once again reminded of the fragility of life.

It doesnt sleep, it doesnt eat.

it just comes and takes away; leaving behind the pieces for loved ones to pick up only to find that it can never be whole again.

RIP Jude, though i've only met u once, i can see how much of a person u are by the way you treat junchyi.

you are just mind blowing.

"The transient nature of the intangible, makes it all the more worthy. We just need to constantly remind ourselves of its value ; the beauty which lies in the austere simplicity often disregarded. We must try to remember not to forget."

ur posts on ur thots abt life just constantly gives the chills.

A peace and calming night, one we have not seen for many days. The still air, no a single gust of wind to cool the room. The only sound in the night is the crisp guitar plucking of sungha jung through my music player and the occasional vroom of cars along clementi avenue.

It brings a serenity i have long yearned for in a long time.

Is this all? maybe it is coupled with the fact that i finally come to terms with what i have lost. Looking through your photos, i see a smile i dearly miss, a face i haven touched for a long time; a person that i have to now accept will not be in my life anymore. Even as you prepare to fly back home tonight for a few months, i guess this is a start of a new beginning for you, a fresh start. I'm sure you got your first class honours and the euroaqua research position. I wish you all the best because knowing you, you will go very far in life. Goodbye hh.

I went for sungha jung and preston reed with lion the other day. It was wonderful to see her after so long. We missed the first song because we went lau pat sat to eat. ha. But all in all, the whole concert was wonderful! Sungha with his more modern fingerstyle play and songs, while preston reed plays much more traditional fingerstyle methods. Would have to say i still enjoyed hotel california the most because it brings me back to my childhood where i would watch the Eagles, live in the Grand Ballroom, on LD. Those were actually good times from my past that i guess i will never forget. Great times i spend with my dad, just chilling in the living room, listening to bands like eagles, bad company, rod steward. haha.

After which we went to get yoguro! not a super fan of yoghurt but it actually was quite nice. lol. The more surprising thing was i met my entire ex cell group there at raffles city! lion and i were like going up the escalator then i saw sherill, then ruth, then basically everyone else. haven seen them since pf's wedding, i guess they are all doing well. =). Then saw Elaine, Serene they all while queuing for yoguro, had a brief chat. Kinda left lion there for a few minutes. So sorry! Then we headed to chijmes and sat down to chat and catch up; and i still feel that u are relatively guarded. ;).

really hope one day i will be able to understand u fully :).

Guess wad, u are also flying off today. lol. Have a wonderful time in Germany, i'm sure it'll be great!(don even know if u still read here)

Yeah, its time to look forward and move ahead. But nothing without labour, right? work for that second uppers!

because the flashes of lightning that fill the desolate sky tries to erase the bad moments that happen in our life but no matter how much i try to look at them, the blinding light only manages to white out your mind for that few seconds before it all rushes back in again.

The booming thunderous applause mocks the soul, an audience to the show of your life, starring you and your co-actors, bad memories and negative thinking, directed by depression and produced by emo-ness.

because that is what rain is, cold, bleak and overcast. It soothes a torn heart, a bruised soul; as they can relate to dreariness of the situation. Because birds of a flock, fly together. Because people like me no need others to spark off a bad thought, as i myself can do that easily alone.

yes u can have your bad moments, but i cannot take blunt sarcasm especially if i am trying to find out whats wrong and am actually trying to alleviate the situation. in the end, there is still a limit to how much i can give to u before i cross a line, something which i've been trying so hard to not thread across.

你呢，要勇竞！不是要我而是要勇敢竞争下去！要做个不倒翁。跌了又弹回来。:]即使自己弹不起来，身旁的兄弟姐妹们，朋友们都会副扶你上来。现在就先静一静吧，希望看到你快快恢复正常的你。又开心又说笑。 :]

"If I am to die, at least I shall die amongst brothers." - Gannicus

Brotherhood goes beyond just words, because words though strong cannot deflect the venomous blades that life dishes out. A true bro fights by your side, even when outnumbered, they will not abandon you. Cherishing victory together, sharing the pain of defeats; because joy is doubled when shared and grief is halved when taken upon two shoulders instead of one.

Just like how Jenko took a bullet for Schimdt in 21 Jump Street,

how Varro died so Spartacus can live,

or even how Scofield used himself to connect the wires that led to Sarah and Lincoln's escape.

The over-hype about brotherhood in movies and shows tend to sensationalize it to be something with regards to life and death but in actual fact it can be as simple as a mere extended hand to a fallen comrade. Because bonds forged can be binding not by mere ties of friendship but strings of heart; held taut by the experiences shared together.

The deepest of bonds in a brotherhood reach so deep that even innocent betrayal of trust that stings like salt upon wound can be uplifted and forgotten, albeit after much struggle and confrontation. But the roots of the bond lie deeply etched into soul. Such bros are thus said to be tethered to each other.

To end off,

"sometime wine and foolishness are needed, to forge stronger bonds." - Mira

Maybe the green fairy can help me find my true brother.

心软或心硬都会有人伤心。一项来都想着既然会不满不如让对方开心把全部的心痛都吸收来。因为她人开心也够。因为喜欢的女孩子都有灿烂的笑容。最喜欢就是看她们笑了。那也把吸收的伤感大量大量地减少了。。。

可是也该开始多为自己着想; because, you've got to learn to love yourself.

After hearing the song possibly for 100 over times, i realised that the sentence was actually also talking to me and not just for her as i initially thoght.

i never thot i will do it, but i decided to make a stand and stick with it.

i told u, mg, i am changing who i am.

i told her how i feel and how i think this is not right. basically i confronted her to put an end to this.

Of course i will miss someone taking so good care of me. but its still for the better because eventually it most probably would not end well.

but at the moment it seems to be heading for a bad bad crash.

something is wrong with me today.

i am brazen, insensitive and shoots of comments like a bullet.

I am a better person than this.

Whats wrong. do i know? or i just choose to not want to acknowledge it.

Its not right. i should not. These are words that i should be telling myself. While i have not done anything wrong, i haven done anything right either. Doing nothing in itself is a sin i suppose. Maybe another time, another place but definitely not now. On a side note, its been awhile since i felt so lost. also been awhile since i have been this close. watch yourself yj.

It's a new day, a new start!

oh who am i kidding.

because eventually we all land in 'london' and all we think about is, ....

the rain pelts endlessly upon the window panes, a cacophony of knocks that fill a dark and gloomy night. The reddish-purplish hue splashed upon the canvas we call the sky with flashes that translate into the a thunderous boom; it does not seem that the night will ever end. But eventually, the dawn breaks bringing light onto the gloomy skies, dispersing away what is left of the night before. Because with time, even the biggest of storms have to end, even the darkest of skies have to make way for the sun.

But where is thy sun?

As the pitter patter subsides, all we hear are the cars driving by. Because that is how it is. Life moves on no matter what. Even during the storm, cars just keep driving by albeit a little slower, but still, moving forward.

But thy car is just a bicycle, slow, unsteady and unprotected.

Even with the rain gone, a stroke of lightning just happened before my very eyes. Because, in life, surprises are aplenty and it can hit u anytime. Even when you are prepared for it, when it hits, you realize that you can never actually prepare for it.

because when u are feeling lonesome, the guitar just produces nice sounds.

I tried to catch the orange hue that enveloped the HDB blocks but failed. This was my best effort i took after a few tried with my Galaxy S2.

Even as i am preparing for my last paper for this semester, I started to wander off to the past once again. Are memories just life's way of mocking us at things we will not be able to have again. Even with that broken camera in my mind, it somehow manages to maintain bits and pieces of the not so distant past, those with joy and happiness. As it brings a smile to the face, as it fades, the smile fades as well.

Just like clouds, we meet and part without knowing when we will meet again. And like the lightning flashes in the sky, those are fleeting moments when we think of each other. The split second thought or connection that happens oh so randomly; jolting you with a brief moment of joy before leaving you scarred and burnt as it sears into your mind.

Oh lonely soul, where shall you go.